What I am going to try is using key words from the most controversial topic of my generation: the Israel-Palestinian issue. However, there is a risk: what I’ve noticed is that anyone who stakes out a position, no matter which side such position favours (if any), will be the subject of vicious attacks. This issue is quite unique in that regard; it seems to annihilate any trace of sanity in some people.
I am going to try to be the first person to speak about this issue in a way that keeps me impervious to attacks. Here I go!
1. Israel is often miss-pronounced “is-real” (It should be pronounced “isss-ra’el”). This doesn’t mean, however, that it isn’t real. People have noticed it.
2. “Palestine” could have been a term used to refer to friends of Albert Einstein.
That’s 2 keywords down, and I’m still untouchable. How many more can I get away with? Lets see:
3. Zionism is what is practiced by someone who likes to keep his eye on something (get it? “he has hiS EYE ON it”). Please get your laughter under control before proceeding.
4. PLO… now this is a true story. In grade school, teachers would write “PLO” on the chalkboard when they didn’t want the contents to be wiped off. PLO in this case stood for “Please leave on.” Either that or there was widespread support for the Palestine Liberation Organization among the schoolteachers in my very hick hometown.
5. Hamas sounds like it could be made up of two words that would be offensive to Muslims (and Jews and vegetarians too)
I’m on a roll! Just a one more now:
6. Benjamin Netanyahu – did his family found an internet search engine? Or maybe his last name is Hebrew for “Nathan – celebrate!” (netan – yahu!)
Ok, I think I’ve exhausted your attention span. I still think I’m safe from vitriol (especially since almost no one reads this blog). But lets see what comes up in the comments.